Mike's Marathon Blog

No, not MTV Cribs. Actual baby cribs, like the place where real human babies sleep. That’s how I spent my Saturday……….crib shopping.

Crib shopping wasn’t so bad, minus the disgusting prices of all this baby crap. Cribs are $500. $500!!!!! These thieves actually charge you this price for a convertible cage that you keep your baby in to sleep and poop. And they have no idea where they are! The baby doesn’t know if you got the crib at Pottery Barn or an actual barn in the middle of the woods. The crib, like everything else a girl owns, is for the ‘ooh’s and the ‘ah’s’ when a new guest walks into the nursery. That’s all. Will the baby be comfortable? Is this price in our budget? Will this crib even fit in the room? None of the answers to these questions matter. When you hear your wife ask: ‘is this the cutest crib you have EVER seen!?!?,’ then you just bought yourself a crib.

The worst part of crib shopping was couple watching. It’s scary to think the people I saw on Saturday were months away from reproducing. While Jacky was trying to figure out a reason to buy the wood sign that said ‘Thank Heaven for Little Girls’, I was listening in horror to how the preggers in the store were talking to their husbands. I couldn’t get over it. ‘Honey, we are getting this,’ ‘we are getting that,’ ‘this is how we’re doing this.’ It was a little frightening; I’m not going to lie. Honestly, I don’t really care what kind of crib we get, but Jack at least asks me if I like it. Half of the guys’ were even holding their wives’ purses! I wanted to ask one of them if their balls were somewhere inside the purse, but I figured they were already having a horrific day.

After a lap around the store, I had seen enough. Brown or white, big or gigantic, $500 or $800. Got it. Jack – brown, big and $500. Done. On the way in, I saw a great spot to hang while Jack narrowed down 20 identical brown cribs to 3 or 4. I told her I was going to check out the rocking/gliding chairs for her. So caught up in the excitement of spending a week’s paycheck on baby stuff, she failed to notice the 50” flat-screen TV on the wall above the row of chairs. I plopped down in a lovely Charleston Upholstered Convertible Rocker that was $789 ($1,198 with matching ottoman). The Bruins were up 4-1. I watched the entire 2^nd period. I love crib shopping.