Mike's Marathon Blog

There’s a new bag at my parent’s house every time I visit, there’s a new package in the mail every other day and the number of ‘maternity’ charges on my credit card are rising. Onesie mania has begun!

Jack held up a onesie the other day and asked me what I thought. It had been in a manilla envelope on our counter for a few days, so I was anxious to see what was inside. As she was holding and I was observing, so many questions came to mind. My first to her was obviously ‘how much did this cost?’ If she answered $1, I would have told her that she got ripped off. She answered with ‘$20.’ Of course.

This onesie had a picture of a dinosaur on the front with ‘RAWR’ written underneath. OK, that’s fine. Dinosaurs are cool. At least it wasn’t a lamb or a flower or something. The problem with this particular onesie is that the dinosaur looked like it was drawn by a blind person with no arms. I thought it was a charity thing. Like sick kids in hospitals make these and the proceeds go to finding their cure or whatever. Nope. This was real. This was an actual onesie that made an actual profit for someone.

So obviously I started thinking of the reason that I’m not making onesies for a living!? The blind guy with no arms is sitting on a beach somewhere soaking in the sun and my hard earned money, laughing every time some idiot buys one of his ‘works of art.’ He must seriously chuckle every time he receives an email saying another onesie was sold. I bet he even looks up the buyer on Facebook just to put a face with a sale.

I can’t hate this person. This person is a genius! I’m sure he has a hard time putting on suntan lotion, but he knows how to make a living! Think about it, what person is more apt to buy expensive crap than a 1^st time pregger? They’ll buy anything (example A – the dinosaur onesie made in the dark)! I need to buy onesies wholesale, judging by the dino onesie all I need is a Sharpie and I’m pretty sure that’s it! Oh, a website. Mikesonesies.com. Done!

I don’t really need any clever ideas. Maybe a list of animals? Puppy, done. Giraffe, done. Elephant, done. They don’t even need to be cute animals. Any animal will do! Pig, frog, rhino, a frigin dinosaur! All hideous animals, but on a onesie? The cutest thing your new son or daughter could possibly wear! Also, I clearly don’t even need any brilliant wording underneath. Under the picture of the dog – roof. The cat – meow. The cute little chickadee – chirp, chirp.

So many ideas are already coming to mind! Picture this, a onesie with a good sized button sown right in the middle. Above the button reads ‘Cute as a…..’ Are you saying a new pregger wouldn’t buy that!? That’s as good as gold right there! As soon as Jacky reads this, she’s gonna Google ‘cute as a button’ onesies! She will eventually find one and buy it for $20+.

Damn, I basically just gave the tanned, no-armed genius his next brilliant idea.

Stay tuned for the results of my Child/Infant CPR class tomorrow (that I am taking alone). I keep trying to tell Jack that I’m BAT certified, but she doesn’t seem to care.