Mike's Marathon Blog

After an hour of getting to know one another (basically a first date), we finally got into the classroom. Hot nursing student #1 moved her stuff so I could sit next to her. As soon as we sat down, the teacher says ‘oh good, you’re partnered up already.’ This must have slipped my mind as well! Partners! Guys I am telling you, this is as easy as it gets! When do you ever partner up at a bar?! Never! You spend the entire night trying to partner up! At CPR class, you’re partnered up within the first 10 seconds! If for some reason there’s an odd number, you join 2 girls (remember the fantasy reference in the first CPR blog!?).

So we finally get down to some business. First on the agenda………rescue breathing (seriously, I couldn’t even make this up. Trust me, this story could not be more true). After a short video filmed around the time Jesus was born, we all got up and moved into a connecting classroom. This classroom was completely empty and had enough space to do the next demonstrations (yes, demonstrations). As everyone moseyed in, the teacher says ‘Mike, do you mind being our guinea pig for rescue breathing?’ I answer ‘sure’ before she even finished the question. ‘Good,’ she replies, ‘get on the floor.’

At this point I am looking for some kind of hidden camera. I sense the biggest joke of all time being played on me in the upcoming minutes. I was picturing me handcuffed to one of the dummies and my friends barging through the door hysterically laughing or something along those lines. The only camera that should have been in the room is the one taping the Match.com commercial (or better yet, a scene for a Skinemax movie).

As my back is hitting the ground, hot nursing student #2 is already kneeling next to me. As the teacher gave her instructions, she performed each step and then waited for the next. Keep in mind, this is the rescue breathing demonstration. Around step #6, hot nursing student #2 is on all fours with her upper body directly over me and her face about 3 inches from mine. Match, seriously, this is the final scene for your commercial. Picture this, in slow motion, hot nursing student #2 leaning down towards her ‘helpless victim’ while a voice says ‘step #7………..…dinner and a movie.’ Frigin gold!!!

Back in the Red Cross make-out room, step #7 was not given for a few minutes. For me, it felt like 9 hours. I was thinking I might need actual CPR if step #7 didn’t come soon. The next few minutes consisted of the teacher talking (she could have been explaining how the building was set to explode in the next few seconds and it really wouldn’t have mattered), me awkwardly staring at hot nursing student #2, hot nursing student #2 staring at me and hot nursing students #1, 3 and 4 staring at me and hot nursing student #2 staring at each other (re-read a few times. It makes sense).

A few minutes later, hot nursing student #2 and my softcore demonstration sadly came to an end, although the party was far from over. Everyone needed to partake in the demonstrations, so now 2 of the students got on the ground while the other 2 kneeled over them. Don’t worry Jack, I took diligent notes like you asked me to. I jotted down every detail of the nursing students rolling around on the floor, doing pretend mouth-to-mouth breaths, lifting each other’s legs in the air, folding their arms over their chests and continuously moving their hair out of their faces while giggling. Talk about your all-time backfires, huh?

To be continued…………….