The rest of the class was pretty tame compared to the ‘after hours’ version of rescue breathing. The videos they show are a laugh riot. I’ve seen better quality movies on YouTube shot by 10-year olds with their cell phones. I spent $80 for this stupid class. The teacher didn’t have a key, the heat was turned off for the weekend and there was no water to drink. I’m not positive where my money went, but hopefully they threw a few bucks towards a new video shot in the 21st century. They don’t need professional actors or anything. Just using a woman without bangs and a guy without a mustache would be a vast improvement. Also, it would be great if the person calling 911 could use a BlackBerry or an iPhone instead of a Zack Morris phone imbedded in the hump of their car.
Guys, another convenient part of the class is the lunch break. After getting to know one another for the first 3 hours, guess who wants to grab lunch together? Your new hot nursing student friend/future wife, that’s who! Are you kidding me? Your first date! It’s that simple.
Even if your new hot friend brought her own lunch and doesn’t want to leave, just bring her back a drink or a snack or something. The girl I was sitting next to brought her own lunch, so on my out, I asked if she wanted me to bring her back a drink. That small gesture now ranks in this person’s list of all-time nicest things someone has done for her. It was as if I brought her back a watch or something. Guys, that bottle of water just got you a phone number! Best $.99 you’ve ever spent in your life.
The CPR portion of the class ended shortly after we returned from lunch and we immediately moved into First Aid training, so we could get out of there early. Has anyone ever been to a First Aid class? I can’t even emphasize how much of a joke it is. I would compare being First Aid certified to having your Middle School diploma. If I was seriously injured and someone came rushing over to my assistance and told me they were trained in First Aid, I would try to ignore the amount of pain I was in and laugh hysterically in their face. If you’re First Aid certified, it just means you’re over the age of 5 and you’re not dead.
One of the demonstrations we had to complete to get certified was to wrap an Ace bandage around someone’s arm. I couldn’t even make that up! The teacher actually observed every student do this! Make me throw a leg in a splint, drag someone out of a burning car or start a fire using 2 sticks. Something a bit more difficult than putting a band-aid on some nursing hottie’s finger!
After everyone unwrapped each other, we skipped the test, the teacher handed us our certification cards and we were on our way. Guys, if it didn’t work out with you and any of the nursing students during the class, this is the time to listen for their name when the teacher calls them up for their cards. You can then maybe stock them on Facebook and start a conversation there? Yes, this move would be extremely creepy and desperate on your part, but hey, you just went to a CPR class to pick up chicks! You have absolutely nothing to lose!
Just think……….I am now trained to save your baby’s life if they are unconscious or begin choking. How scary is that!?
Mike's Marathon Blog 
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