Mike's Marathon Blog

A year ago yesterday, I was standing in the streets of Hopkington, trying not to throw up, thinking about the daunting 4 ½ hour task I had ahead of me. A year later, I am trying not to throw up thinking about the daunting 20-year task I have ahead of me. Two hundred and sixty minutes of running seems like a walk in the park at this point.

Last December, I touched my first pregger belly. Last night, I was touching my 2^nd, except this one was housing my own kid!

A preg belly has to be one of the strangest wonders of the world. It can’t be natural. I don’t understand how a girl makes it through a day knowing there’s a creature growing inside of them? How do they look down, see the Astrodome where their stomach used to be and still function normally?

Does anyone look at a preg belly and immediately think of the scene at the end of Spaceballs in the diner when the alien jumps out of John Hurt’s stomach and dances on the bar? ‘Hello my baby, hello my honey, hello my ragtime gal!’ Check please! Anyone?

This is essentially what happens, right? The top hat and cane are exceptions of course, but he basically escapes the 9-month prison cell he’s been living in and ‘jumps’ into the world. Unfortunately, his singing and dancing will come in the form of screaming and shitting, but at least he won’t have a tail (hopefully).

Seeing the belly is one thing. Feeling him kick is a whole different story. I would say half of American’s stomachs look preg, so it’s not rare seeing someone who looks like they just ate a small child. The difference, of course, is a pregger just has a big belly. Most American’s asses look like they just ate a small child too. Not from eating for 2, but from the Mountain Dew Coolatta and chocolate chip muffin they scoffed down on the way to work.

A few weeks ago, I felt the baby practicing his Kenpo-X moves. I’ve felt a few ‘kicks’ in my stomach after the Pizza Hut lunch buffet, but nothing like this! That was me kicking myself for squeezing in the blueberry dessert slice at the end. This was an actual kick from an actual foot from inside Jacky’s guts! Again, this cannot be natural.

Jack knows when he’s awake and sleeping and she tells me like it’s the most normal thing in the world. We’ll be standing in the kitchen and she’ll say ‘oh, the baby’s up.’ Um, what baby?! I don’t see a baby! I see me, I see you and I see a cat pretending to be a dog chewing on my big toe. Oh, the baby growing inside your body?! Got it.

Speaking of kicking and screaming (in pain), congrats to Meg, Doreen and Justin for finishing the 115^th Boston Marathon! How about the guy who broke the world record, but doesn’t get credit because of the wind? Tsunamis, earthquakes, humans growing inside you, tailwinds….…..nature can be a real biatch!