Mike's Marathon Blog

It would be a vast understatement to say my mind has been racing for the past week or so. Like Indy 500 over and over and over! I’m typically calm, cool and collected, but the twitches in my right eye and shoulder would contradict that. I’ve only been stressed a few times in my life and these twitches are always the red flag. The shoulder is new, but I know the eye twitch all too well. As if I needed another reason to toss and turn all night!

I have been thinking about the craziest things for the past few days. Events that I forgot even happened, people that I haven’t seen in 10 years and even things I did when I was a little kid. The other day, out of nowhere, I was thinking about a movie that I used to watch when I was little, I mean real little! I have no idea what the movie was or what it was about, but I remembered scenes from the movie as if I just watched it!

I’ve been dreaming about people I went to high school and college with. I’m not sure if I’m imagining a ‘what life would have been if I went down this road’ type of dream, but most of the time the events are not what actually happened. I’m with people that I haven’t seen in years, even strangers. I have dreams that I went to a different school and had a different major. I also have dreams that I’ve had different occupations and even lived outside of New England. I’m almost positive the Ghost of Christmas Past is haunting me. Come to think of it, Tula is kind of like Tiny Tim with the busted leg and all.

It feels like my life is flashing before my eyes. I know this sounds extremely selfish. I should be focusing on the future and not dreaming of the past. I’m not making myself think like this! It’s just happening! Obviously, having a baby is a gigantic moment in life. The end of an era, if you will (the P-Funk Era…….anyone?). People say turning 30 or getting married ends a chapter in your life and starts a new one. This is true, but 30 is just a number and getting married is basically making your relationship ‘official.’ Nothing actually changes. Having a baby is a big deal! You can’t divorce your baby. You can’t quit your baby like a job. You can’t feed it twice a day and play with it once in awhile like a pet. You can’t return it for a refund. It’s yours for life, no matter what! Wait……..yup, there’s my twitch.

Wikipedia defines a ‘nervous breakdown’ as an acute phase of a specific disorder that presents primarily with features of anxiety. I have absolutely no idea what that means, but it included the word ‘anxiety,’ which pretty much sums up my current emotional state. I also noticed the term ‘adjustment disorder,’ which actually sounds more appropriate for my situation. I like that word ‘adjustment.’ Adjusting to something new is difficult, whether you’re ending school and entering the ‘real’ world, moving in with your significant other, moving on from your significant other, dealing with health issues or in my case, getting a new roommate for the next 18+ years. No one likes change, but unfortunately it’s a part of life. Adjusting to the change is really the only option. And the quicker, the better!

Everyone keeps asking me if I’m ready? I’m not sure if this is just a standard question to ask a soon-to-be new dad, but I really can’t stand it. No I’m not ready! Who is ready to raise a human being?! But guess what? Ready or not, that kid is coming! Hey, if the cavemen raised kids, I think I can figure it out (that caveman from the Geico commercials is so pissed at me right now).

The more I think about it, I believe the recent memory flashes have been a personal recap of my life thus far. Not that my life is over by any means, but I guess the first 3^rd of my life is? Maybe this is giving me a chance to focus on myself one last time before I have to take a backseat to the baby? Hey, it’s been a pretty good run so far, I can’t complain. And apparently it’s just going to get better? That’s what a few crazy parents have been telling me. They also said I wouldn’t believe them until I actually see that baby, then I would understand. I trust them. All I know is every time I hang out with him now, he kicks and punches me. I think he’s just super excited to meet me.

Go B’s!